Musings

From the very beginning, I didn’t plan to be an obsessive blogger. I planned to post when I felt like it, when the urge to write, to spill the words out, was overpowering. I can’t deny that in spite of those feelings, I’m disappointed in myself for letting months slip by without a word, even though I know that it’s only one or two people who even check to see that I’ve written. Blogging, for me, was just supposed to be something therapeutic, where I shared something that I’d cooked or a book I’d read, purely for me, really. My circumstances as of late, however, have made me wonder whether or not blogging is something that I SHOULD be doing, all the time! Maybe I’m made for blogging! At least, at this point in my life, I might be made for it…

I’ve been living in California now for just over two months. It’s always been a place that I felt “suited” me. I love where I come from, and that I’m a Texan at heart will never change. I’ve always been something of a wandering soul, however…it’s as though I knew that I would end up somewhere different from what I’d always known. It is rather arrogant of me to assign such a romantic description to myself, I know.

To return to my contemplations of my new life-I love California. Just look at the picture above! “Is this Alaska?”, one might wonder. “Colorado?” Actually, it’s not. It’s in Yosemite, in California, with all its glory. Northern California, in particular, is a place of beauty, golden hills studded with stalwart redwood trees and all manner of foliage, turbulent grey-blue waves crashing onto wild shores, the scent of every lovely plant known to man in the air (oranges, rosemary, fennel…the list is seemingly interminable!). I understand why the land is so valued-it is essentially because a precious little has been left for any sort of human development and the rest is untouched. This is a place where I can thrive, and I certainly consider myself fortunate.

What is new for me is the experience of not working. For the first time since I’ve graduated from high school, I do not have a job to start in these few days that mark the advent of autumn. What was I thinking?! How could I have imagined that I would ENJOY the time off, that I wouldn’t miss the crisp air, freshly sharpened pencils, and acrid smell of wax on the school floors? I can tell myself a hundred times over that it’s an opportunity that doesn’t come along every day, but I am saddened and a not a little bit lonely when I think of myself sitting at home instead of laboring at school. Of course, I’ve recognized this mistake, and I now have plans in place-all of my paperwork should be arriving soon from Austin, I’ve begun to fill out many applications for substitute positions, and I’ll be taking a California certification exam soon. However, for these days until I (hopefully) start receiving calls, I have to ponder what it’s like to be out of work.

Now I’m led to my blog, once more. I could be one of those people, who don’t let a day slip by without an update, who feel more complete because they’ve posted, who, at times, have supplemented a career with blog writing. I’m not sure if that’s the path that I’ll commit to, but it’s certainly not a bad option. It’s certainly better than sitting and checking the updates of other bloggers relentlessly.

Future topics for my blog: my reviews of “The Thorn Birds”, the “Twilight” saga, and “Bleak House.” I haven’t been totally useless all summer.

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